Switchfoot, my numero uno.

Just born jinx

speak of the devil, kuehs from melaka by grandaunt, triple noms!

Why only now do I realise maybe Im not suitable to conform and perform in such a system? It was as though this seemed planned, fated, godsent. But I never see this coming, or at least I expected better of myself from the start.

Hope the road ahead is easier to manoeuvre, or at least kicking it old school. Hey, sometimes old school is always the way to go.

Guess just have to blame it on my bad foresight. Like a combination of many bad decisions made at the same time. Lesson learned. So it really does work, fuck it and move on, and not complain. But will it hurt in the long run?

and i promise not to tell no other

Like a barricade built up for life.

fifiefofum, where art thou?

Why do all good things come to an end?

so much for waiting huh.

I'm in if you still are.

(Though, I'm doubting it.)

I wish you werent so reckless. now tell me, what kind of activities can we do with a deep cut and a sprained ankle. roundabout with a wheelchair? and the worse thing is I gotta wait till maybe saturday.

Sometimes, closeness is not a good thing. All parties get hurt one way or another as we know more about each other. But now the thing is, can it be amended once broken?

when the springs of eyes have run dry, when there are no more tears left to cry.

where are you?

It is a matter of unconfidence and insecurities.

a kitten followed my bro and i home today. or rather i deliberately give it a chance to. it was the most innocent looking thing i ever seen, or rather recently heh. we took the lift together and my bro startled for a moment cause he claimed  it kept wanting to look at his balls hahahahaha. think it likes to go near him cause he looks just like a giant meatball. i played with the kitten for a while and my mum screamed at me cause she saw me sayang-ing it. comeon its the cutest thing ever. and it looked so obedient. guess my mum got paranoid since she dislikes cats (wtf). even my dad who always disapprove of furry animals as pets asked me about that cat. he says the cat  sees him to his car from the void deck when he goes to work. daddy even said it look so obedient. and when he asked me how come the cat was so smart to get to the 10th floor, i told him i gave it a tour around the 10th floor. then my mum screamed at me even more cause she claims they can remember where you live, so they will look for you for food. so i had to bring it back down all the way to the 2nd floor. damnnnn. but yea i left it at the sixth floor after seeing it get so fascinated by a "jungle" of plants. guess it was really starved, poor kitty.

i kinda wonder where is it now.

i think i will bring it up again if i ever bumped into it. or maybe just to the 9th floor heh. my heart melted when i lured it to the stairway and it peeped at me through the handle grills. looked at me so endearingly hohoho.

do you think it is wise to buy cat food and feed that stray cat?

hoho, why cant they have such awesome mob ideas in singapore? if ever there is, imma so join in the fun :)
MY BOY LOLLIPOP
YOU MAKE MY HEART GO GIDDY UP
YOU ARE AS SWEET AS CANDY
YOU ARE MY SUGAR DANDY
haha, rightttt.

one will be an extreme procrastinator and choose to get involve in one billion and one nonsensical whatnots which are highly not in priority at the moment, rather than focusing on the important tasks at hand. two tasks, to be specific.

i thought to myself if this was really what i wanna do in life. honestly, deep down. i rather not.

i wanna live in a small one-room flat. around the corner, i will own a provision shop. nothing fancy, just selling necessities. bread, milk, butter, eggs, tidbits, shampoo, toothpaste. people from the area will recognise me as the provision shop aunty. seeing different faces enter and leave my shop. not many too as it might be on a sleepy street. probably just one or two familiar faces. like the shy little girl who always comes with her nanny after her kindergarten session, she holds onto a 20cent coin and picks out a pack of seaweed from the container on my counter, which labelled "20cents". sometimes maybe i will give her a candy from the other container for free. maybe no one will buy such stuff anyway. or like the elderly man who lives across the street, comes in every weekend to buy a carton of eggs from me. by evening when the sun sets, i will close up, buy porridge for dinner and head home. take my dinner, have a nice shower, watch a bit of tv, wait for the news to end and then go to sleep. wake up the next morn and everything repeats itself. maybe on sundays, i will close earlier, have a small bowl of warm tau huey, buy porridge for dinner and head home. take my dinner, have a nice shower, watch a bit of tv, wait for the news to end and then go to sleep.
nothing fancy, just minimal, sufficient and simple.

am i being oversensitive? am i taking it too hard? why does he seem like he is not affected by it at all? has he given up and just leave all these to the hands of God? it sounds like it, but i dont think this is the case. he hasnt given up. he still providing her, still cares for her, still tolerating with her temper and unreasonable requests. i know he is. he might rant to me how difficult it is to carry her around now, but he knows its his duty. maybe he knows that there is nothing we can do to help. i know that. i just wish such things can never happen. or at least not to me. i dont wanna understand why all of us are made to go through such process. its torturing to the person and the people around him/her.

i tried googling from what he told me in layman terms, hoping maybe i could be of some help or maybe even the possibility of a cure. i detest myself at that point of time, not being well-versed in such an area, despite calling myself a science student. felt like an epic fail, in capital letters. i dont care whether its acute or chronic, its just cringing to know its of either. and not one but two.

and all of it, its just like awaiting for a time bomb to go off, only a matter of time. i dont think i can handle it well enough, to see her face to face, sitting across in the living room, she behaving like everything is of the norm. i know i will start wondering even though from the exterior, every part of her seems perfectly fine, but inside, the time bomb is just ticking away. and i cant do anything to stop or reverse it from happening.

adam, guess what? today, i dedicated my rj to you. when i saw the question, first thing you came to my mind. its pretty funny how i thought i could actually make it in time for the submission but it was a total opposite. dont blame jay for that ok? we thought maybe we could eat your share of the youtiao from pasar malam. I actually missed the timing by the last minute. so can you do your thing and make sure my faci reads her inbox or that my email dont end up in the junk mail? owe you big time dude. 

oh btw, the youtiao was delishhhhhh but probably you tried tastier ones up there :)

we miss late nights with you. come visit us tonight? you, me, jay and ninie. lets go somewhere near cos we all have sch early tmr. ohhhh and when you drop by, be careful not to knock over my terrapin tank. sometimes i think you might have been feeding them when im not around cos they are getting bigger and can run real fast. such an irony towards the hare and tortoise tale.

Let me live in isolation.
Or rather just jay and i, for now.

Maybe, im just affected by the Mercury Retrograde.



What is happening? What has gone wrong?

It breaks your heart when people you know become the people you knew. When you can walk right past someone as if they were never a huge part of life. You used to be able to talk for hours on end, and now you can't even look each other in the eye. It completely breaks your heart to know good things change, and you can't do anything about it. 

lost it and i dont know if it's ever coming back to me

what a cute couple

If I was this,



then you are this.



subtle yet deadly, the more you struggle, the more you can't escape.
tell me, how did you figure?

Are you still waiting?

don't stop, not now, not in the near future.

mind over matter,

mind over matter.



P.S. hello you, im pretty sure this will be over soon. seems like you're having a blast and im of no significance to you. and i really meant it when i said take care, cause you wont hear another.


So close your eyes and kiss yourself goodbye, and think about the times we've spent and what they've meant.

To me it's nothing

so i looked in your direction, but you paid me no attention, do you?  x 7397123 (cause we kept failing the song)

i dreamt of you last night. you reached out your hand towards me but somehow i was hesitating if i should grab hold. your hands felt dry and rough though you held on firmly. i cant help but to notice that you were wearing a ring. it was pretty huge and shiny, a typical men's signet ring. when i looked closely, i saw engravings, a cloud of words, literally cause the words were all jumbled up. you smiled and pat my forehead. cant really figure out what the words meant on first sight. i looked again and realised it had your initials, and mine. some other words were on it too but just cant figure. i got up on my feet, dust off my leg and i cant help but to notice again that i was wearing a similar ring too 'cept its much smaller. then jon tang appeared out of nowhere. three of us hopped into your car and drove off. since when did you know how to drive and have a car?

An angel got his wings and we'll hold our heads up knowing that he's fine. We'd all be lucky to have a love like that in a lifetime.

Somewhere in the distant past, I saw a light shine in your soul. It flickered on, but now it's off again. I've memorized the day when you were skipping stones across the sea as you carried me on your back.

dear God, let it all be okay already. cant take anymore of this shit.

met you at the usual bench. it was really uneasy at first not knowing what just happened. you look so worn out and depressed. my heart cringes seeing you in this state. i suddenly realized despite for so long, this is really the first. i didnt know how to get things started, i never knew how to get things started. wanted to ask you how was your week, but i would truly be an idiot if i do so. of cos it was tough, who am i to kid. i noticed you were already on your last stick. but for once i didnt ask you to go easy on the fags cos right now i understand you need them badly. i know you wished you could be him right now, share his pain and misery. if only you had another pack at hand, you will attempt to put yourself into failure. im never good with words and im never good in giving advice or comforting people. i didnt know what to say to you or even what is appropriate to say. but if you are reading this please dont ever reproach yourself. no one ever thought this will happen or even wants this to happen. its nobody's fault. this is just something that was made for him to go through. please dont hurt yourself cause in turn you are only hurting me, your mom, dad, sis and everybody else and even adam himself. your family needs you at this point of time esp your sis. even if she chooses to walk out of the door, your words will knock some sense into her one day. as for uncle and aunty, they will eventually have to handle it by themselves. there's nothing much we as children can do. goes the same for my mum and dad. parents will bound to have dirty secrets that we as children are not supposed to know, at least not for now. i wish i could tell you things will be ok, but i know it wont. i wish i could tell you things will get better, but it is already on a downhill from here. but no matter what will be outcome dude, we are in this together ok? we will pull through.

"Let's go to a rave and behave like we're tripping simply cause we're so in love. "

i know it does ;)

haha pwned

There is nothing much you can do to make things better when life's a bitch. It's just the way of life. Just do your part well and pray to survive, not even to excel. Dream on if you wanna.

how true, it really trains your endurance level. level uppp!
three words: go fuck yourself.




---


this is for you ninieeeeeeee

(inserts your braceface pic here)

HAY GURL HAYYYY! (hoebiscuit)

even though we have not been talking recently, i hope you are well. weather has been very cranky recently so take care of the nose. i remembered the other time when i was down with bad cold and you told me about your sensitive nose too. hopefully we get to talk soon and it will be a proper conversation. many times there are tonnes of stuff i wanna tell you about but just like what i told peigen, im feeling the toll when conversing with you and this makes me back out. did you ever wonder too? did you ever get the same urge that im feeling right now? i saw you in dreamland last night and you were radiant with all smiles. smile more cause you have an awesome set of teeth. i find it adorable of you to tell me the answers straight off without me even to put any effort into asking. however there were times when i wanted certain answers but it was so hard to get them out of you. but even though that toll will always exist, still miss chatting with you because you will always cheer me up with your nonsense and give me advice (silly ones included) when i get indecisive on everything.

betcha didnt know such things right? but as if you would give a damn about all these. do you?

so how are you?

you know what, fuck it. i dont give a damn anymore.

thank you for dropping by in the morn. i finished your pot of very diabetic cheng teng filled with many longans haha! and thank you for the red tea too. im feeling much better already and its all gone. :)

ohhh and to you, girlfriend
thank you so much for being concerned, calling when you were out (i think), msging me and stuff. i tried resisting the itch, but whoa bad experience. tell you more when we talk. imy already :(









You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole and convinced yourself that it's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore.

they dont care nways.

Perhaps it's me.
Perhaps i have changed.
Perhaps not for the better but for the worst.
Perhaps that's why im losing friends.
Perhaps subconsciously i am building a wall around me.
Perhaps i found a shell to hide in.
Perhaps that's why i dont talk so much now.
Perhaps that's why i no longer tell stuff.
Perhaps songs are more relating.
Perhaps i feel intimdated.
Perhaps i lost all of confidence i once had.
Perhaps im worth very little.
Perhaps i thought i knew figures a-z, had a bond with a-z. fact is, not at all.
Perhaps they have grown.
Perhaps im left behind.
Perhaps we live in different worlds.
Perhaps maybe thats why they dont understand.
Perhaps eskimo dont give a damn at all.
Perhaps eskimo left.
Perhaps i left.
Perhaps eskimo wasnt there at the first place.
Perhaps thats why i dun wanna talk to eskimo anymore.
Perhaps eskimo thinks im an irritating bitch.
Perhaps eskimo shows concern just for the sake of entertaining me.
Perhaps eskimo has already checked in to heart igloo and i enclosed that igloo in a snowglobe.
Perhaps im too selfish for my own.
Perhaps crying are just for losers.
Perhaps i dont give a damn anymore.
Perhaps i am the bitch that will always die alone.
Perhaps i choose to be alone and die alone. besides you came into the world alone, you leave alone.

drifting away.

why does it seem like it's neither here nor there?
makes it difficult to decide the next move
cause you might end up regretting making that move.
all might work well if you do the reverse.

the choice of reciprocation affects the actions you take. but at the same time denying it loses your chance of being heard and known. all will remain bottled up, just like what she said. but what keeps you going is the instincts you have that tells you there is more than what is presented to you. maybe you just got to wait for the right moment and seeing from afar is a good thing too, just like what he said. but whats keeping it from being shown? no one can resist the anticipation of knowing the truth, that's what i said.

1. automatic air fresheners get the better of me. Twice, for the count. What a loser huh.
2. i can do the huskie voice of shelly from house bunny with ease. Way too fun that jay hangs up the phone on me. 10 mins later another tin of herbal candy was thrown over and i got the water torture, using cooling water, just like how the japs did to POWs.
3. colbie caillat bubbly can be played on guitar with just one finger on the b string, on the 2nd and 3rd fret respectively, plucked twice each. standard tuning. how ingenius of me. (my personal preference is the index finger. you can play with your nose too for all i care)
4. i need to stop putting songs on repeat.
5. nylon or steel strings?
6. then again neither might be possible because one of the pin thingy or whats-it-called is missing.

Let it be, im taking my time.

sweet.

4 days and that's it.

somehow i enjoy my bananas better when they have stickers of the banana guy pasted on the skin, like the one i had today where the banana guy was skate boarding and the one i had ytd where the banana guy was dribbling a basketball.  i dont care if the previous sentence sounds very loserish.  :)






sorry if i pissed you off. i was just playing, didnt mean anything. no more cold shoulders ok?